Irish Pride
/In Irish Pride, Lucas Costello shares an intense, dark memoir of life with an alcoholic Irish dad and a teetotalling Filipino mom.
Read MoreRacism, Future: Sci-Fi Authors Riff
/Jef Catapang asks the experts: Canadian science fiction writers share their ideas on what “race” is, and where prejudice is going.
Read MoreEthnic! Xmas! Drama! 2011 Edition
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Music, mental health
/At the Toronto Standard, Anupa Mistry writes about the music therapy program at Across Boundaries, a mental health centre for people of colour.
The race box
/Kelli Korducki muses on what race means. Is it about culture or colour? And why are the racial choices on forms so limited?
Read MoreGuess Who’s Coming to Brunch?
/Being mixed-race and dating is more than just "oh, you're gorgeous!" and "mixed babies are so cute!" By Adebe DeRango-Adem takes a moment to unpack the baggage of dating and fetishization when dating interracially.
Read MoreShot Through the Heart
/Denise Balkissoon revisits an embarrassing memory of a former boyfriend who not only had horrible taste in jewelry but dragged his racial confusion into their relationship. Don't judge her.
Read MoreFamily Values: Mixed-Race Style
/Renée Sylvestre-Williams says that being from a multi-generation, mixed-race family means not having to deal with race questions. What it does mean is answering the more important ones.
Read MoreEthnichat: DNA Free Flow
/Last Friday, we hosted a Twitter chat on interracial and intercultural dating to kickoff this week's posts. Here are some of the highlights...thanks very much to everyone who participated. Keep reading and commenting!
| “ | Q1: What are your feelings on people who adamantly date only within their own race or culture? #ethnichat Go! | |||
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| “ | Well, for one, not all of us have that luxury. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Up or down it's their decision to make for themselves. It's also potentially their loss if soulmate is heterogeneous #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | When you're mixed, every relationship is an interracial one. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Q2: have you ever been exoticized by a partner/date, how did you know, and how did you feel? | |||
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| “ | Too much focus on ethnic background, had one guy literally say "that's hot" when he found out my mix. Yuck. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Yes, for my body shape. Was told this after we started dating. Felt like an object. It's why relationship ended. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | She said: "I feel so worldly". I wasn't impressed. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Got told I am interesting because I am Indian. Ick. My ethnicity is a part of my identity, not an accessory. #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | We were making out. Ze took off my glasses and complimented me: "You look less Asian." Really. | |||
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| “ | I find it tiring when they get disappointed when I do something that doesn't jive with their perception of my racial identity. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | white guys i've dated have pretty much been not into white girls, not as an ideology tho. just realizing that now. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | RT @JaeFiasco: Ex was white and his friend said (in my presence) GUESS WHAT I FUCKED A BLACK CHICK! It's a prize to them | |||
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| “ | RT @jooksing as an asian ciswoman, i feel exoticized all the damn time. it's uncomfortable &telling. tho partners dating history says most. | |||
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| “ | RT @jooksing the q for me is: what feels worse: dating some1 who has been with POC or dating some1 who hasn't been w ANY POC. both loaded | |||
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| “ | Yes! There's always that question of which is worse. Non-POC w/ history of dating only POCs - red flag. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Don't think I'd mind someone who hadn't dated a POC before, if they weren't defensive when there were things to be discussed. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Could the race/mix dating preference be more of a physical thing rather than background? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Ah yes, the age old question - what's wrong with just having a physical preference? It's so loaded. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I think you can prefer certain characteristics but then you have to ask yourself why #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | RT @jooksing i think POCs who predominantly date outside their race should also try to deconstruct their internalized racism too #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | But worth looking into, pure bodily response or years of racial brainwashing, yes it's complex. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I agree, POC do need to think abt internalized racism & dating. Dumb video: Why Brown Girls Like White Guys http://bit.ly/qG0cBM #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | At the base of the debate, it shouldn't focus just on those who date PoCs but choices of the PoCs themselves. | |||
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| “ | I don't think dating outside ur race has anything to do w/ internalized racism. We live in a global city. It happens. | |||
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| “ | Like, you just happen to prefer a certain race? I don't think it's ever that simple. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Ok, Q3: how have your family/friends reacted to your interracial/intercultural partners? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Positively. They're more concerned about mutual values and whether he treats me well. | |||
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| “ | My grandmother, who was biracial, did tell me she didn't want me dating a black man. | |||
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| “ | They haven't. And ppl always ask "so how was THAT like?" They seem to be anticipating stories of lashings #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | It's strange. We're beginning to see a North America where the basic assumption is one of mixed racial heritage. | |||
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| “ | Her family: Pleased to meet you. My family: MISSION ABORT. My friends: Cool story bro #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | My parents were an interracial couple, but my dad still holds racial prejudices on who his kids should date. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | my parents were surprised he was a Brown guy & not East Asian. (They'd have been more surprised if he was Persian.) #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | @_anupa re: whitebros. i feel weird, but if you're happy that's cool ma. unless u cute. then u need to be with me. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | My parents know and understand it's high unlikely I'll marry someone who isn't Chinese, but have also stated "preferences". :P | |||
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| “ | my parents accepted my white ex but they still managed to show some close-mindedness. I was more nervous of his family though | |||
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| “ | I think my folks were less surprised I dated white girls than the fact I dated girls at all #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Q4: Have strangers commented on your relationship, and if yes, how have you dealt with it? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Yes, and I've/we've usually responded, "Uhm, how is this of any concern to you?" Their reaction is all butthurt. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Here lies the real debate. There is side-eyeing from some PoCs at interracial couples of their ethnicity @ethnicaisle | |||
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| “ | old indian men death-staring me and my half-black/half-chinese ex in the mall. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | As a teen, dating interracially had me labelled a "coconut" by other POC. I said nothing back then which I regret #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Usually they comment on how cute the babies will be. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Not all mixed race babies are cute. I'm thinking of some of my cousins. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | @alexdao HA that is one of @reneeswilliams pet peeves. We want to do a post on the blog "Ugly Mixed Race Babies." Hahaha. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I'm not gonna lie, I was a really cute mixed baby. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Side-eye from random strangers (white and black) is fairly common. I've gotten better at ignoring it, but still. #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | Recently asked: What does your husband look like? Me: He's gorgeous. Silence. Really she meant: "What colour?" Naive am I. | |||
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| “ | Sad. Within the community, criticism & hostility to a PoC dating outside their race is more pointed. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | why do black men act like my boyfriend isn't there? Does being white make him invisible? | |||
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| “ | #ethnichat RT @wesleycase: My friends are 99% white: they either wear (interracial dating) as badge of pride or it makes them uneasy | |||
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| “ | Oh, when I was in Trinidad with my white ex, someone actually HISSED at us on the street in Port of Spain. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Q for @chantalbraganza & other mixies: Did your parents say if they faced prejudice within your extended fam for being together? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I've def seen my parents get some side-eye. Took one neighbour 20 yrs (!) to figure out they were married. | |||
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| “ | Like, it was so incomprehensible to this guy that these two people could be a couple #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Eep. Kinda. Not so much for race, but 'cause one fam had established themselves in Canada for a while by that point. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | @ethnicaisle love to hear all this conversation: I came from mixed parents, now divorced. Never really talked about this. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Ok, last q, from @judeinlondon: Do you really think social attitudes towards interracial dating have changed that much? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I personally feel less weird walking around than I used to, but that may just be personal confidence! #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I also think, in Toronto, the constant influx of newcomers might also mean influx of ppl unaccustomed to mixing #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Tough question. I'm going to say, not as much as society likes to think it has. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Definitely. It's not ideal yet, but changing attitudes towards race have changed attitudes about i.r. dating too. #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | compared to when? I think compared to 50 years ago, no doubt. 10 yrs... enh @ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Not sure I want to live in a world where the intricacies of IR dating (& thus my own difference) are all smoothed over | |||
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Ghost Men Like Dumplings, Too
/Gold Stone Noodle Restaurant on Spadina has been the source of my weekly Chinese food fix since before I can remember. When I started going there, it was a homely Chinatown hub that served up a cheap abundance of Southern Chinese delights. These days, it’s the same homely hub with the same delights, for only slightly more money. Over the years, I’ve developed that sought-after server-customer relationship: I say “the usual,” she brings me a steaming bowl of noodle soup with succulent Sui Kau dumplings stuffed with shrimp, pork and black fungus, alongside a light green bulb of bok choy and thick slices of barbecued pork and duck.
Read MoreLittle Miss Two Canoes
/This just in: Lisa Charleyboy isn't Indian enough. The Tsilhqot'in-Mexican-Dutch-Cherokee Urban Native Girl gets dissed for not liking camping.
The Politics of Sunblock
/By Renée Sylvestre-Williams
I recently tweeted that I wore sunblock for three reasons: Vanity, health and post-colonialism. Then I took a moment to actually read what I wrote and then I looked at my coffee table and saw the following:
Roc’s Soleil Protexion+ in SPF 60
Neutrogena UltraSheer Dry Touch in SPF 45
Clinique Body Creme in SPF 30
and Lubriderm Moisturizer with Sunscreen in SPF 15
To say I’m slightly obsessed with sunblock is a bit of an understatement. I’ve been wearing sunblock religiously since I was 18 years old. Prior to that it was only when I was going to the beach and then my mother would slather it on us before letting us run wild on the beaches of Mayaro or Maracas.
Even now, as some friends hit the shelves for self-tanner or the beach for the actual tan, I’m checking my shoulders after a day out to ensure I didn’t get tan lines.
I started wearing sunblock for three reasons. The first is thanks to magazines that said that the sun ages you. I’m vain enough to not want to be wrinkled so I slather it on every day – even in winter.
The second reason is skin cancer. My grandmother told me that she was a redhead – which is slightly suspicious as she also told me she didn’t remember her original hair colour. My mother and brother were strawberry blondes when they were children and my sister used to burn and peel if she got too much sun. While it is less likely that people of colour will get skin cancer, it does happen. (pdf file)
Somewhere in my mind that meant I had to protect myself just in case. After all, you never know.
I also eyeball my moles suspiciously every time spring rolls around.
The third reason, and I’m not proud to admit this, is that I don’t want to get any darker. I’ve never consciously thought of this, but I’ve realized I’ve absorbed some colonialist (post-colonial?) thinking while growing up in Trinidad.
I once tried to explain to a friend that it’s not just black/white/indian/etc. It’s the shades of colour that matter as well. The lighter you were, the better jobs you could get or the better social connections – ie. marriage – you could make. Of course, money and class played a role, but the shade of brown helped as well.
My grandmother grew up during the British colonization of Trinidad. She was half-black and half-Portuguese. My grandfather, her husband, was of East Indian descent. While I wouldn’t call Granny racist, she was definitely affected by colonialism. I remember one Sunday I was driving to my uncle’s. We were on the road, I was doing 80 km and we were chatting – probably about dating, I’m not sure. Granny turned to me and said, “I don’t want you dating a black man.”
My immediate response was, “Ok, you realize you’re half-black, right?”
“That’s neither here nor there,” she said as we drove down Derry road on our way to Mississauga.
“Uh. I don’t know what to say and right now I’m driving. Let’s not discuss this,” was my weak response.
Was it racist? Yes. While I hesitate to sound like I’m justifying why she said what she said, I understood where Granny was coming from. Here was an 80-something (at the time) woman who had grown up when the British ruled the country which meant a colour hierarchy was in place. In her own way, Granny was trying to ensure that any children I had would have the ‘advantage’ of having light skin.
It was a small moment in an enclosed space but it summed up the convoluted history of Trinidad, race and the colour hierarchy.
So what does that mean now? Well, I still wear sunblock primarily because I don’t want to get wrinkles, but every time I slather myself that conversation pops into my head.
The Angst of the Halfie
/By Kelli Korducki
Yesterday, I had brief but angst-ridden Twitter exchange with two friends regarding the inner turmoil of being a half-breed. We were prompted by the re-tweet of a Thought Catalog piece bluntly titled, “How to be Racially Ambiguous,” but, at least personally, this is a discussion that replays itself internally at least once per day.
Some personal background: I grew up having to check off a box inscribing my ethnic identity to the Milwaukee Public Schools’ quota-minded database every time I took a standardized test. I was told, by my parents, that the appropriate bubble for my No.2 lead smudge was “Hispanic,” so that’s where I put it. And that’s where it felt right, really. After all, hadn’t I grown up sharing a residence with a pair of non-English speaking refugee grandparents? Hadn’t I been subjected to toddler-era questioning, by my mother, over whether I was “Gringa o Salvadoreña?” wherein responses other than the latter would result in tickle torture to the brink of tears?
I grew up in a truly bi-cultural setting, with two bilingual parents who worked (and continue to work) in a largely Spanish speaking, Latin-American immigrant environment. But I also grew up white. I came out the spitting image of my Polish/German-American father, and I wonder how different my life would have been if the opposite had been true.
Truth is, it’s hard to live in between the lines; at some point you wind up becoming one thing or the other. Boring and cliche as this is bound to sound, society puts you up to it. And despite my parents’ best wishes, I suspect people are more inclined to process me as “white girl with Mestiza mother” (if, in fact, they know of my parentage at all) than “Latina girl” or “mixed-race kid.” Perhaps this is because of my unaccented English, the lack of melanin in my complexion, the fact that I have a name like “Kelli Korducki,” or that I dress more like Aimee Mann circa 1984 than a chola.
I may rock the white priv, but it’s never sat so great. I grew up speaking Spanish and attending quinces, and dancing merengue and bachata, while simultaneously feeling like I was a stranger in my dominant culture just because I looked more like I stepped off a boat from Poland (thanks, Papa) than my Salvadoran immigrant mother. Growing up, I would hear peoples’ reactions to my mom speaking to me in Spanish–rude stage whispers, in English (which both my mother and I could understand), about how people shouldn’t be allowed in America without being able to speak English–and I would burn inside while my mother dutifully rolled her eyes and moved along. They never assumed I was her daughter, which always stung me.
Back to the Thought Catalog piece. “Why would you want to be just one simple, uncomplicated race when you can make yourself more interesting at parties with your heightened sense of worldliness and traumatic multi-racial identity?” asks Carmen Villafañe. This is totally tongue-in-cheek, by the way. Sure, it’s great having that invisible backback to carry around when convenient, so that you can take people by surprise with your wacky “ethnic” background tales, but sometimes you want to feel your mother’s discrimination. Not because it will give you cool stories and street cred, but because she is your fucking mother. That is half of you. Just as much of you as anything else.
Segue: my best friend in the whole entire world, Carmen, is a blonde, blue-eyed, sunburn-prone curlytop of a babe who is both the hottest Fulbright scholar you will ever wish to have met and, also, a total halfie. African-American dad, white mom. We met in high school and immediately bonded over our shared neurosis, lit love, and half-breed status. Our 10th grade English teacher called us “fake minorities;” we called each other “house slaves.” We made inappropriate jokes over our mixed identities, because that was the only way we knew how to celebrate them. We live an ocean apart now, but I think our halfie status is one of the main reasons we’re still BFFs. No one understands a halfie like another.
So, recent news: a few weeks ago, I caught a Tweet from my younger brother, Casey. “I’m a McNair Scholar!” he announced. Casey is his university’s VP for MEChA, an American Chicano student organization–which means my li’l bro wears his Latino identity a little more prominently than I. The McNair scholarship is a “minority scholarship,” and Casey felt nervous interviewing for it. “I know I’m not the candidate you have in mind for this,” he nervously told them. Needless to say, they gave it to him anyway.
I guess I don’t know how to close this subject, so I’ll just say this: It’s hard to be a halfie, because on the one hand you’re so damn privileged, but on the other, you never know where you belong. I suspect it’s an issue I’ll have to grapple with for my entire life, and my children (provided I have any) will also have to carry on the baggage–because, regardless of our Canadian dwelling, they will be Spanish-English bilingual or not exist at all. And, while my brothers and I will always have the unassumingly white names of “Kelli,” “Casey,” and “Ricky,” we are still the amalgamations of our heritage: “Kelli María,” “Casimir Enrique,” and “Richard Fernando.” We fit outside the box. And, increasingly, so do many others. We halfies are boundfor themainstream, and conversations about race are destined to change for good.
The Halfies, They Speak!
/Globe Toronto writer Kelli Korducki writes on the occasional strangeness of being mixed race... but passing for white. Multipass: Chantal Braganza on the awkward/painful/embarrassing/and-ok-sometimes-funny experiences of being racially ambiguous.
