Last Friday, we hosted a Twitter chat on interracial and intercultural dating to kickoff this week's posts. Here are some of the highlights...thanks very much to everyone who participated. Keep reading and commenting!
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Q1: What are your feelings on people who adamantly date only within their own race or culture? #ethnichat Go!
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Well, for one, not all of us have that luxury. #ethnichat |
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Up or down it's their decision to make for themselves. It's also potentially their loss if soulmate is heterogeneous #ethnichat |
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When you're mixed, every relationship is an interracial one. #ethnichat |
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Q2: have you ever been exoticized by a partner/date, how did you know, and how did you feel? |
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Too much focus on ethnic background, had one guy literally say "that's hot" when he found out my mix. Yuck. #ethnichat |
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Yes, for my body shape. Was told this after we started dating. Felt like an object. It's why relationship ended. #ethnichat |
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She said: "I feel so worldly". I wasn't impressed. #ethnichat |
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Got told I am interesting because I am Indian. Ick. My ethnicity is a part of my identity, not an accessory. #ethnicchat |
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We were making out. Ze took off my glasses and complimented me: "You look less Asian." Really. |
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I find it tiring when they get disappointed when I do something that doesn't jive with their perception of my racial identity. #ethnichat |
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white guys i've dated have pretty much been not into white girls, not as an ideology tho. just realizing that now. #ethnichat |
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RT @JaeFiasco: Ex was white and his friend said (in my presence) GUESS WHAT I FUCKED A BLACK CHICK! It's a prize to them |
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RT @jooksing as an asian ciswoman, i feel exoticized all the damn time. it's uncomfortable &telling. tho partners dating history says most. |
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RT @jooksing the q for me is: what feels worse: dating some1 who has been with POC or dating some1 who hasn't been w ANY POC. both loaded |
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Yes! There's always that question of which is worse. Non-POC w/ history of dating only POCs - red flag. #ethnichat |
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Don't think I'd mind someone who hadn't dated a POC before, if they weren't defensive when there were things to be discussed. #ethnichat |
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Could the race/mix dating preference be more of a physical thing rather than background? #ethnichat |
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Ah yes, the age old question - what's wrong with just having a physical preference? It's so loaded. #ethnichat |
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I think you can prefer certain characteristics but then you have to ask yourself why #ethnicchat |
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RT @jooksing i think POCs who predominantly date outside their race should also try to deconstruct their internalized racism too #ethnichat |
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But worth looking into, pure bodily response or years of racial brainwashing, yes it's complex. #ethnichat |
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I agree, POC do need to think abt internalized racism & dating. Dumb video: Why Brown Girls Like White Guys http://bit.ly/qG0cBM #ethnichat |
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At the base of the debate, it shouldn't focus just on those who date PoCs but choices of the PoCs themselves.
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I don't think dating outside ur race has anything to do w/ internalized racism. We live in a global city. It happens. |
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Like, you just happen to prefer a certain race? I don't think it's ever that simple. #ethnichat |
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Ok, Q3: how have your family/friends reacted to your interracial/intercultural partners? #ethnichat |
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Positively. They're more concerned about mutual values and whether he treats me well. |
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My grandmother, who was biracial, did tell me she didn't want me dating a black man. |
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They haven't. And ppl always ask "so how was THAT like?" They seem to be anticipating stories of lashings #ethnichat |
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It's strange. We're beginning to see a North America where the basic assumption is one of mixed racial heritage. |
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Her family: Pleased to meet you. My family: MISSION ABORT. My friends: Cool story bro #ethnichat |
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My parents were an interracial couple, but my dad still holds racial prejudices on who his kids should date. #ethnichat |
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my parents were surprised he was a Brown guy & not East Asian. (They'd have been more surprised if he was Persian.) #ethnichat |
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@_anupa re: whitebros. i feel weird, but if you're happy that's cool ma. unless u cute. then u need to be with me. #ethnichat |
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My parents know and understand it's high unlikely I'll marry someone who isn't Chinese, but have also stated "preferences". :P |
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my parents accepted my white ex but they still managed to show some close-mindedness. I was more nervous of his family though |
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I think my folks were less surprised I dated white girls than the fact I dated girls at all #ethnichat |
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Q4: Have strangers commented on your relationship, and if yes, how have you dealt with it? #ethnichat |
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Yes, and I've/we've usually responded, "Uhm, how is this of any concern to you?" Their reaction is all butthurt. #ethnichat |
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Here lies the real debate. There is side-eyeing from some PoCs at interracial couples of their ethnicity @ethnicaisle |
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old indian men death-staring me and my half-black/half-chinese ex in the mall. #ethnichat |
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As a teen, dating interracially had me labelled a "coconut" by other POC. I said nothing back then which I regret #ethnichat |
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Usually they comment on how cute the babies will be. #ethnichat |
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Not all mixed race babies are cute. I'm thinking of some of my cousins. #ethnichat |
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@alexdao HA that is one of @reneeswilliams pet peeves. We want to do a post on the blog "Ugly Mixed Race Babies." Hahaha. #ethnichat |
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I'm not gonna lie, I was a really cute mixed baby. #ethnichat |
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Side-eye from random strangers (white and black) is fairly common. I've gotten better at ignoring it, but still. #ethnicchat |
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Recently asked: What does your husband look like? Me: He's gorgeous. Silence. Really she meant: "What colour?" Naive am I. |
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Sad. Within the community, criticism & hostility to a PoC dating outside their race is more pointed. #ethnichat |
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why do black men act like my boyfriend isn't there? Does being white make him invisible? |
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#ethnichat RT @wesleycase: My friends are 99% white: they either wear (interracial dating) as badge of pride or it makes them uneasy |
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Oh, when I was in Trinidad with my white ex, someone actually HISSED at us on the street in Port of Spain. #ethnichat |
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Q for @chantalbraganza & other mixies: Did your parents say if they faced prejudice within your extended fam for being together? #ethnichat |
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I've def seen my parents get some side-eye. Took one neighbour 20 yrs (!) to figure out they were married. |
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Like, it was so incomprehensible to this guy that these two people could be a couple #ethnichat |
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Eep. Kinda. Not so much for race, but 'cause one fam had established themselves in Canada for a while by that point. #ethnichat |
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@ethnicaisle love to hear all this conversation: I came from mixed parents, now divorced. Never really talked about this. #ethnichat |
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Ok, last q, from @judeinlondon: Do you really think social attitudes towards interracial dating have changed that much? #ethnichat |
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I personally feel less weird walking around than I used to, but that may just be personal confidence! #ethnichat |
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I also think, in Toronto, the constant influx of newcomers might also mean influx of ppl unaccustomed to mixing #ethnichat |
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Tough question. I'm going to say, not as much as society likes to think it has. #ethnichat |
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Definitely. It's not ideal yet, but changing attitudes towards race have changed attitudes about i.r. dating too. #ethnicchat |
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compared to when? I think compared to 50 years ago, no doubt. 10 yrs... enh @ethnichat |
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Not sure I want to live in a world where the intricacies of IR dating (& thus my own difference) are all smoothed over |
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