"It's not racist to not be attracted to someone"
/Well, it's not that easy, according to Navneet Alang. It might probably be a bit racist but it's way more complicated than that. First, let's look at the "normal" standards of beauty.
Read MoreThe race box
/Kelli Korducki muses on what race means. Is it about culture or colour? And why are the racial choices on forms so limited?
Read MoreThose teachable moments
/Allyssia Alleyne ruminates on the extra jobs that come with being in an interracial relationship. Jobs like interpreter, ambassador and teacher, and the moments when it's just easier not to explain.
Read MoreGuess Who’s Coming to Brunch?
/Being mixed-race and dating is more than just "oh, you're gorgeous!" and "mixed babies are so cute!" By Adebe DeRango-Adem takes a moment to unpack the baggage of dating and fetishization when dating interracially.
Read MoreChatcan: Jef asks Anupa about dating white dudes
/Jef and I have been friends for a long-time and share the same daffy sense of humour so we decided to team up to contribute a chat post to the Ethnic Aisle's Interracial Dating edition. Here, Jef asks me about dating white guys.
Read MoreShot Through the Heart
/Denise Balkissoon revisits an embarrassing memory of a former boyfriend who not only had horrible taste in jewelry but dragged his racial confusion into their relationship. Don't judge her.
Read MoreFamily Values: Mixed-Race Style
/Renée Sylvestre-Williams says that being from a multi-generation, mixed-race family means not having to deal with race questions. What it does mean is answering the more important ones.
Read MoreEthnichat: DNA Free Flow
/Last Friday, we hosted a Twitter chat on interracial and intercultural dating to kickoff this week's posts. Here are some of the highlights...thanks very much to everyone who participated. Keep reading and commenting!
| “ | Q1: What are your feelings on people who adamantly date only within their own race or culture? #ethnichat Go! | |||
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| “ | Well, for one, not all of us have that luxury. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Up or down it's their decision to make for themselves. It's also potentially their loss if soulmate is heterogeneous #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | When you're mixed, every relationship is an interracial one. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Q2: have you ever been exoticized by a partner/date, how did you know, and how did you feel? | |||
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| “ | Too much focus on ethnic background, had one guy literally say "that's hot" when he found out my mix. Yuck. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Yes, for my body shape. Was told this after we started dating. Felt like an object. It's why relationship ended. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | She said: "I feel so worldly". I wasn't impressed. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Got told I am interesting because I am Indian. Ick. My ethnicity is a part of my identity, not an accessory. #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | We were making out. Ze took off my glasses and complimented me: "You look less Asian." Really. | |||
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| “ | I find it tiring when they get disappointed when I do something that doesn't jive with their perception of my racial identity. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | white guys i've dated have pretty much been not into white girls, not as an ideology tho. just realizing that now. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | RT @JaeFiasco: Ex was white and his friend said (in my presence) GUESS WHAT I FUCKED A BLACK CHICK! It's a prize to them | |||
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| “ | RT @jooksing as an asian ciswoman, i feel exoticized all the damn time. it's uncomfortable &telling. tho partners dating history says most. | |||
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| “ | RT @jooksing the q for me is: what feels worse: dating some1 who has been with POC or dating some1 who hasn't been w ANY POC. both loaded | |||
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| “ | Yes! There's always that question of which is worse. Non-POC w/ history of dating only POCs - red flag. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Don't think I'd mind someone who hadn't dated a POC before, if they weren't defensive when there were things to be discussed. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Could the race/mix dating preference be more of a physical thing rather than background? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Ah yes, the age old question - what's wrong with just having a physical preference? It's so loaded. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I think you can prefer certain characteristics but then you have to ask yourself why #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | RT @jooksing i think POCs who predominantly date outside their race should also try to deconstruct their internalized racism too #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | But worth looking into, pure bodily response or years of racial brainwashing, yes it's complex. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I agree, POC do need to think abt internalized racism & dating. Dumb video: Why Brown Girls Like White Guys http://bit.ly/qG0cBM #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | At the base of the debate, it shouldn't focus just on those who date PoCs but choices of the PoCs themselves. | |||
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| “ | I don't think dating outside ur race has anything to do w/ internalized racism. We live in a global city. It happens. | |||
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| “ | Like, you just happen to prefer a certain race? I don't think it's ever that simple. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Ok, Q3: how have your family/friends reacted to your interracial/intercultural partners? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Positively. They're more concerned about mutual values and whether he treats me well. | |||
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| “ | My grandmother, who was biracial, did tell me she didn't want me dating a black man. | |||
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| “ | They haven't. And ppl always ask "so how was THAT like?" They seem to be anticipating stories of lashings #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | It's strange. We're beginning to see a North America where the basic assumption is one of mixed racial heritage. | |||
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| “ | Her family: Pleased to meet you. My family: MISSION ABORT. My friends: Cool story bro #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | My parents were an interracial couple, but my dad still holds racial prejudices on who his kids should date. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | my parents were surprised he was a Brown guy & not East Asian. (They'd have been more surprised if he was Persian.) #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | @_anupa re: whitebros. i feel weird, but if you're happy that's cool ma. unless u cute. then u need to be with me. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | My parents know and understand it's high unlikely I'll marry someone who isn't Chinese, but have also stated "preferences". :P | |||
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| “ | my parents accepted my white ex but they still managed to show some close-mindedness. I was more nervous of his family though | |||
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| “ | I think my folks were less surprised I dated white girls than the fact I dated girls at all #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Q4: Have strangers commented on your relationship, and if yes, how have you dealt with it? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Yes, and I've/we've usually responded, "Uhm, how is this of any concern to you?" Their reaction is all butthurt. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Here lies the real debate. There is side-eyeing from some PoCs at interracial couples of their ethnicity @ethnicaisle | |||
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| “ | old indian men death-staring me and my half-black/half-chinese ex in the mall. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | As a teen, dating interracially had me labelled a "coconut" by other POC. I said nothing back then which I regret #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Usually they comment on how cute the babies will be. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Not all mixed race babies are cute. I'm thinking of some of my cousins. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | @alexdao HA that is one of @reneeswilliams pet peeves. We want to do a post on the blog "Ugly Mixed Race Babies." Hahaha. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I'm not gonna lie, I was a really cute mixed baby. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Side-eye from random strangers (white and black) is fairly common. I've gotten better at ignoring it, but still. #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | Recently asked: What does your husband look like? Me: He's gorgeous. Silence. Really she meant: "What colour?" Naive am I. | |||
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| “ | Sad. Within the community, criticism & hostility to a PoC dating outside their race is more pointed. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | why do black men act like my boyfriend isn't there? Does being white make him invisible? | |||
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| “ | #ethnichat RT @wesleycase: My friends are 99% white: they either wear (interracial dating) as badge of pride or it makes them uneasy | |||
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| “ | Oh, when I was in Trinidad with my white ex, someone actually HISSED at us on the street in Port of Spain. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Q for @chantalbraganza & other mixies: Did your parents say if they faced prejudice within your extended fam for being together? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I've def seen my parents get some side-eye. Took one neighbour 20 yrs (!) to figure out they were married. | |||
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| “ | Like, it was so incomprehensible to this guy that these two people could be a couple #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Eep. Kinda. Not so much for race, but 'cause one fam had established themselves in Canada for a while by that point. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | @ethnicaisle love to hear all this conversation: I came from mixed parents, now divorced. Never really talked about this. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Ok, last q, from @judeinlondon: Do you really think social attitudes towards interracial dating have changed that much? #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I personally feel less weird walking around than I used to, but that may just be personal confidence! #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | I also think, in Toronto, the constant influx of newcomers might also mean influx of ppl unaccustomed to mixing #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Tough question. I'm going to say, not as much as society likes to think it has. #ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Definitely. It's not ideal yet, but changing attitudes towards race have changed attitudes about i.r. dating too. #ethnicchat | |||
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| “ | compared to when? I think compared to 50 years ago, no doubt. 10 yrs... enh @ethnichat | |||
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| “ | Not sure I want to live in a world where the intricacies of IR dating (& thus my own difference) are all smoothed over | |||
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For centuries, community-focused care and ancestral healing knowledge have existed as practices of resistance and freedom for folks of colour.